Poseidon

Regardless of anything else happening in life, god speaks to me in the water. I’ve never been a religious man, but when I need him I find him there. I rant to myself alone and out loud (like a crazy person), about:

the heartache of failed relationships

my troubles with the opposite sex

being exploited for my talents and labor over the years

family drama

fear of losing my dog unexpectedly

paranoia of losing my freedom

having to deal with friends, family, colleagues, neighbors who refuse accountability, decency, courtesy

money…money…money

and simply feeling like a terrible person who doesn’t deserve love due to my own proclivities.

It feels odd to be feeling this odd at 41yo. One would assume that I’d have more of it ‘together’ by now, but that’s what expectations can do to a person. It all reminds me that life should be fun, and I always have the option to surrender to the unexpected, which mitigates disappointment.

And when all of my wisdom is escapes me, when life throws me a curve ball (or several), I get my board and sit in the water and speak to myself aloud. I curse him and her and them and the circumstances of my life. I boil and seethe like a raging wild animal, passing judgment on everybody who’s hurt me, real or imagined, until I cry.

And then god sends me a wave.